"We are the miracles that God made to taste the bitter fruit of time. We are precious. And one day our suffering will turn into the wonders of the Earth."
- Ben Okri
Ask me anything
This is a brilliant approach to love. Although written by a religious man, the approach is about relationships between people, not about faith. I highly recommend everyone to take the quiz at least once. Understanding more about yourself, your needs and your partners’ needs can only serve to improve communication and an equivalent exchange of those needs.
- Words of Affirmation
This is when you say how nice your spouse looks, or how great the dinner tasted. These words will also build your mate’s self image and confidence. Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
- Quality Time
Some spouses believe that being together, doing things together and focusing in on one another is the best way to show love. If this is your partner’s love language, turn off the TV now and then and give one another some undivided attention. In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
- Receiving Gifts
It is universal in human cultures to give gifts. They don’t have to be expensive to send a powerful message of love. Spouses who forget a birthday or anniversary or who never give gifts to someone who truly enjoys gift giving will find themselves with a spouse who feels neglected and unloved. Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
- Acts of Service
Discovering how you can best do something for your spouse will require time and creativity. These acts of service like need to be done with joy in order to be perceived as a gift of love. Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
- Physical Touch
Sometimes just stroking your spouse’s back, holding hands, or a peck on the cheek will fulfill this need. This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
Determining Your Own Love Language
Since you may be speaking what you need, you can discover your own love language by asking yourself these questions:
- How do I express love to others?
- What do I complain about the most?
- What do I request most often?
Speaking in your spouse’s love language probably won’t be natural for you. Dr. Chapman says, “We’re not talking comfort. We’re talking love. Love is something we do for someone else. So often couples love one another but they aren’t connecting. They are sincere, but sincerity isn’t enough.”
- President Obama in North Carolina today on why Congress has to act to prevent interest rates on student loans from doubling (via barackobama)
- He who marries a real beauty is seeking trouble. - Accra proverb, Ghana
- Hold a true friend with both hands. - Kanuri proverb, Nigeria
- Rising early makes the road short. - Wolof proverb, Senegal
- You can not take away someone’s luck. - Kalenjin (Kenya)
- “He who learns, teaches.”
- “For tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today.”
- “If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.”
- “Peace is costly but it is worth the expense.”
- “To try and to fail is not laziness.”
- “The fool speaks, the wise man listens.”
- “Seeing is different than being told.”
- “You must judge a man by the work of his hands.”
- “When the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.”
- “We start as fools and become wise through experience.”